Let's do this....

I quit Monster.

I feel like crap.

It's been almost 48 hours, so it's starting to get easier, but MAN, I feel bad for junkies trying to quit harder stuff.  This is ridiculous.

15 weeks until the wedding (Craig's sister's wedding) so 15 weeks to lose 30lbs.

I may become a mega bitch before this is over.

I don't write enough...

Maybe because I don't feel much like my life needs to be documented.  Even though I'm ridic thankful for old blogs, to remember things that have happened... I guess I feel like losing Patrick was about the largest thing I've experienced, to date, and what could I possibly have to say now that's at all interesting?

It's amazing how much of a struggle it is to get myself ready and presentable in the morning.  I feel better through the day if I look nice, but I can't find the motivation to do it!

This week, I've done hair and makeup every day so far.  My coworkers are starting to ask if I have job interviews after work.  *headdesk*

Last night, I has the wonderful good fortune to receive a lovely text from the ex husband.  Informing me that our daughter is gone, and I've not gotten pregnant again, because I'm a selfish, bitter b*tch.

Surprisingly, this hasn't hurt, because i know he's wrong.

But I'm done being the nice person.  Backup has been called into play and he's not getting away with this crap any more.

I disappear....

For long stretches of time, and return, with updates...

The boy mentioned in previous posts.... is no more.  But that's no matter.  Because I've met a new one.

We've been "official" for about 6 weeks now.  Yeah, 6 weeks, I know.  It's hard for me to beleive either.  I'm a bitter, doubting person... or I was.  But... he's pretty much amazing.

I've come to terms with the fact that my body may fail me in the reproduction department.  I still have hope that I'll be able to try, but I'm not so hung up on it.  I'm coming up on the 4th anniversary of Patrick's passing, and it's finally starting to feel like a scar, more than a scab that I've picked at.

Work is stressful - I am still traveling on occasion, so I don't get much time to myself anymore.  Big changes in my office to, leading me to believe that a company change might be in order sooner than later.  I'm not advancing  nor is there opportunity to, and with the changes happening, it looks like my chances of moving forward are even worse.  So.... it might be time to go back to hunting.

I've been cooking tons, and debating with the idea of starting to post here about it.  We shall see if I gain the motivation to do so.

Hope my few followers are still out there.

What do you do....

...when someone you care about is going through a stressful time in their lives?

You send them the most hilariously bad gag gift you can find.

He'll either love me, or kill me...

Overthinking, and being your own worst critic.

From the first time I set foot in that basement, I turned on the normal Jamie Charm.

They had no idea until yesterday, almost a month later, how dang scared I was.

So, I'm singing in a band now.  It's all sorts of rad, and I love it, but every time I go to start a new song, I shake like a leaf in gale force winds.  Which is funny, considering the bass player was willing to take me on solely due to, and I quote, "an awesome will to try and an outgoing attitude".

I assumed they could see through my front, but apparently, in talking, they couldn't.  They know now, and aren't judging me for it, but it made me chuckle.  How I was sure my fear was written on my face, but they had no clue.  We are our own worst critics, and that sucks.

On the same strand, we over think things too much.  I'm pretty sure my over thinking has caused irreparable damage to a relationship I hoped to keep very much alive.  Or, am I just over thinking that too?

I need to find a way to turn off my brain sometimes...